Today in my imagination was that, Everyone wandering for true friends and someone get that but still there are many reasons to be alone. We are just living in an alien planet where everyone is doing thing which takes them to the ending part of life and one day the friendship takes then to the rivalries of their own they imagine that they just had wasted their life entertaining each other an just wasting time together. As , they just need the time back and spent those time on preparing themselves to this tough times. As we can see we don't have the same mentality thus we can imagine that we are not be the same in future.
I think I might have a minor degree of depression. In School I did not have many friends but I had a few. I used to be really skinny and once I hit my junior and senior year in High School I started eating alot to cope with my loneliness at home and since then gained weight and I am not as cheerful as I used to be. I was hoping that things are going to get better for me in college but after attending one semester in college I couldn;t stand it anymore because I didn't make any friends there and I was crying alot until my parents decided to let my go home and attend another university in San Francisco where I lived. So I did attend another university but after attending one year there I have not met a single friend. I only hang out with my two friends from High School. I tend to be very shy around people. Like all I do is jsut go to class and like go home after class and use the internet. i know this is really sad but it's true. I have desparetly tried looking for part time jobs in efforts to find somethig to do and most importantly meet new people but I have no luck finding jobs where there are people who I can relate to. It's not like I have not tried to make life better for myself, I tried but it just that no one ever gives me a chance. It's hard for me to stay positive when bad things are constantly happening to me. I keep on thinking that if I find a job things are gonna be different I'm gonna make friends and be happy. But that's not the way it is. I am so tried of having to wake up every morning and do the same thig over and over again. the only thing that keeps me going is my daily morning exercise routine. Other then that I just spent my time overly focusing on my appearance or how I can change the way I look and I am constantly getting job interviews and getting rejected. For example if it's a like a job I can really see myself being a part of I would get rejected and if it's like a place I can't really imagine myself being a part of I would land that job. And just recently I was in a accident and lost my car to it and desparetly need money to purchase a car but it is hard because my job has me workin 5 hrs a week.I was in a near death accident and feel that there are so many things I want o do before I really did that but then why isn't anything getting better for me. I interviewed for a job and though that I did pretty good in that I was well prepared for it and I wasn't nervous and I clearly didn't get a call back for a 2nd interview and now I am left here moping again. I really don't know what to do anymore, I mean I keep thinking people don't want to talk to me because of the way I look so I am constantly focusing on improving the way I look. I don't know why people don't want to talk to me, I am a friendly person but I don't know if it's the way I dress or look that causes people to avoid me.I feel as if I have a big "loser" on my forehead. and I am thinking of switching universities to someplace next year to attend university with my best friend in hopes that people might be more friendly and try to get to know me over there. I am gonna be old soon and i don't to waste my "teen" years of my life being socially isolated and lonely. And seriously the only thing that makes me happy is the sense of accomplishment after my daily workout and my constant strive to change the way I look. Anyone else in the same situation as me.
It is important that I take a leap of faith and let someone know how I am been feeling. A good place to start would be with my parents. I may feel like they do not care, but this is a dangerous assumption. Sometimes when children are quiet, parents just assume that everything is okay or it may be that they are so caught up in their life that it seems they do not have much time for you. Either way, I need to let them know how you have been feeling. If you feel like you cannot approach your parents then find an adult that you trust and tell them how sad you have been. Once you have alerted someone the next step is to get help. When I feel like no one cares it is not uncommon to fantasize about death as a way to punish those that ignored you and make them sorry that they did not pay attention to you when you were alive. Feeling so miserable that I want to die is understandable but it is not the solution. I know Many teenagers have had similar feeling as I have but were able to get through them with the proper help and support.
I am very concerned about myself and want to assure myself that I do not have to live this way. My situation is not hopeless and in fact it can and will get better. I would be surprised how many people in my life really do care about me and if I am open up, I will begin to find out. Find your voice and you will find the way out of your misery.
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